When Your Teen Hates You

    As parents frustration is not an unusual emotion.  However when our teens are angry enough to start expressing how much they “hate” us, a variety of different emotions can be evoked:  sadness, doubt, confusion, a sense of inadequacy, anger, maybe even some hatred.  No matter what you feel, Luisa Colón, wanted to let you know you are not alone.  She recently sat down with our Director, Melissa Kester, LMFT, to discuss different ways we can manage these moments.

If you would like to read more, please go to Mamiverse:  http://www.mamiverse.com/dealing-with-teen-years-35598/

5 Steps for Disciplining Your Stepchild

Have you been curious how to discipline your stepchild?   Luisa Colón talks with our Founder and Director, Melissa Kester, LMFT on 5 different steps you can take to communicate house rules with your stepchildren.

If getting them to like you is your priority when it comes to your stepchildren, then good for you for wanting to foster strong bonds with your extended family. But that doesn’t mean you put aside solid rules and thoughtful discipline. Here are five steps for lovingly maintaining law and order in yourblended household.

1. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A SAP WITH YOUR STEP…
I am firm with my own stepkids (there are three of them), and the result is mutual love and mutual respect, too. “Structure is important for everyone’s well being,” advisesMelissa Kester, MA, LMFT, Founder and Director of Madison Marriage and Family Therapy, PCin New York City and the editor of Towards Healing. “Neglecting this leaves everyone depleted and uncontained.”

Head over to Mamiverse, if you want to read more:  http://www.mamiverse.com/five-steps-disciplining-stepchild-25350/

The Link between Depression and Pain

 

Depression and pain: two conditions that can cause a lot of misery. Those who suffer from one or the other can often feel that it’s a fight they can’t win...

Depression and pain: two conditions that can cause a lot of misery. Those who suffer from one or the other can often feel that it’s a fight they can’t win…

Depression and pain: two conditions that can cause a lot of misery. Those who suffer from one or the other can often feel that it’s a fight they can’t win, but understanding that there’s often a connection between the two can be half the battle. Here are five things you didn’t know about the link between depression and pain.

A COMMON CONNECTION

It’s important to understand that there can be a connection between pain and depression, although it’s not always the case. “It is common for people who experience consistent pain to develop symptoms of mild to moderate depression,” explains Jennifer Kimmelman, LMFT and Somatic Psychotherapist of Madison Marriage and Family Therapy, PC. “If pain intensifies and intrudes in an individual’s daily activities, symptoms can increase to severe depression.” But just as understanding the link between the two conditions is vital, it’s just as important to realize that you can have one without the other. “I have worked closely with people who have experienced persistent back pain which is felt throughout the leg, who continue to live healthy lives without depression,” says Kimmelman. “The pain is managed in a specific way and these individuals continue on with their daily activities.”

PHYSICAL PAIN CAN HAVE EMOTIONAL CONSEQUENCES

Although someone suffering from pain-related depression may not realize it at the time, it’s natural for an injury to have emotional as well as physical consequences. Someone who is deprived — due to an injury or illness — of their livelihood or an activity that brings them pleasure is likely to experience a host of symptoms, including depression. “The most common example I have worked with are dancers,” says Kimmelman. “I was a dancer myself who was injured and from my own experience, as well as other clients I have worked with. the symptoms are very similar, loss of identity, sadness and anger, frustration, irritability and eventually depression.”

… AND EMOTIONAL PAIN CAN HAVE PHYSICAL CONSEQUENCES

Intense feelings of anger or sadness, suicidal thoughts, an inability to get out of bed or out and about… these are all commonly recognized symptoms of depression. But many people don’t realize that pain can be a symptom of depression, too. “When a body experiences depression, any number of symptoms arise, including but not limited to, loss of energy, achy feeling all over, headaches, weight loss or weight gain which can both be painfully felt in the digestive system,” says Kimmelman. The physical toll that depression can take doesn’t stop there. “[Some of these symptoms] can lead to hormone imbalance, which can lead to a whole host of ailments, common colds, painful menstrual cycle for women, indigestion, low grade fevers, headaches.”

RECIPE FOR A CURE

Finding relief for symptoms of pain and depression may not be as straightforward as simply taking medication or seeing a therapist; rather, the cure for any given patient can come in varied forms of treatment. Seeking professional help is your first step; ways to find a therapist include asking friends for referrals and going through your healthcare provider. Your therapist can help you organize your approach towards managing both your depression and your pain and assist you in exploring the many forms of treatment that are out there, which “can range anywhere between pain management such as medication, to talk therapy, to somatic psychotherapy, massage and aromatherapy, meditation, yoga,” explains Kimmelman. “It all depends on the individual’s experience and how they organize and develop a relationship to their pain.”

DON’T LOSE HOPE

One of the symptoms of depression is a feeling of hopelessness that can keep sufferers from seeking help. But it’s so important not to lose your vision of a happier, healthier you — as well as your belief that you can fulfil this vision. Even just taking the first step towards healing can lessen your feelings of sadness (although if it doesn’t, that’s no reason not to forge ahead). Help is out there; the easing of your pain — both emotional and physical — is in sight. “There are options, and if one doesn’t suit you, we will find one that does,” says Kimmelman. “Because change is an inevitable part of life, we can hope that with change and time, what might not have worked in the past may work in the present and/or future.” And looking towards the future is your first step in winning a difficult — but not impossible — battle.

Louisa ColónLuisa Colón is a writer whose work has appeared in New York, Glamour, Discovery Girls, Mamiverse.com, and others.

How to Help a Friend Who is Grieving

If you want to be a good friend to someone who is grieving, follow this simple tip: put a reminder on your calendar to call your friend in 6 months.

Many people in our culture imagine that 6 months is a curative time period and that grief ends after this time has passed. However, in my experience counseling those who are grieving, this is not the case. Grievers still need their friends and family to support them in the months and years after their loved one has died.

So even if you went to the funeral, baked a casserole, and sent a condolence letter, consider calling in 6 months to check in. Ask about the loved one who passed away. Give your friend space to talk. The griever probably still has much to share because memories and feelings do not disappear when a loved one dies. A friendly phone call could do much to ease the loneliness and pain of grief and open the dialogue once more about how much a loved one still means.

March 9th Healing Saturdays: Visions of Womanhood

homepicBereavement Practitioner at Madison Marriage & Family Therapy, NYC

Visions of Womanhood
Melissa Kester, LMFT & Sarah Lebeck-Jobe, MS

*FOR MORE DETAILS LOOK BELOW

Last year we did a creative workshop that nurtured so much positivity amongst attendees, we decided to do it again.

Melissa Kester, LMFT & Sarah Lebeck-Jobe, MS will lead a creative healing group where we explore our personal connection to our feminine selves. We will have a playful couple of hours discussing what the idea of womanhood evokes in each of us. We also will create drawings to assist in our exploration of our personal visions of womanhood.

This month’s charity is Girls Educational and Mentoring Services (GEMS).  GEMS’ mission is to empower girls and young women, ages 12–24, who have experienced commercial sexual exploitation and domestic trafficking to exit the commercial sex industry and develop to their full potential. GEMS is committed to ending commercial sexual exploitation and domestic trafficking of children by changing individual lives, transforming public perception, and revolutionizing the systems and policies that impact sexually exploited youth.

Details

  • Time:  11:00am – 1:00pm
  • Donation:  $25
  • Profits go to a different charity each month
  • Location: Madison MFT, 271 Madison Avenue, Suite 1400, between 39th & 40th
  • Please RSVP due to limited space: email info@madisonmft.com or call 917.488.6364

A Healing Saturday for Afghan Girls Leadership Group

I had the pleasure to host a special Healing Saturday workshop for the Girls Leadership Group from Women for Afghan Women. We met to learn about Positive Psychology and explore ways to improve well-being! For more details, visit: http://www.womenforafghanwomen.org/index.php/easyblog/entry/a-healing-saturday-with-waws-girl-leaders